Not dead

I'm aware that it's been awhile since I posted. This blog is not dead. I'm just working on myself right now. :)

Life is Good

I am sitting in the Cougareat (Coug-air-ee-at) on BYU campus, just thinking about how it's been a long time since I blogged. I have like three unfinished series left hanging. Life has been really rough for me this first year home from Montana, with school and work and social and spiritual issues. But things are about to change for the better.

In a moment, I will finish my turkey sandwich and Odwalla, and head to the testing center to take my last final of the semester.

Then I'm going home to pack and move home. (Yes, ten minutes away.)
And I start my full-time job at Coverstar on Friday.
I have a huge collection of books I've wanted to read but haven't had the time.
And the weather is finally warm,
So I will have no excuse not to run and lift every day.
At last, I will live closer to my friends.
And for the rest of the summer I will easily have time, and make time every day to read the scriptures.

I've learned a lot about myself through trials this year, and spent a long time feeling bound down and tired, too busy and too burdened. Without forgetting the lessons of the past, it's time to move on.

You Took Me Out of the Dark

Keep the front door locked
Lights out, so no one can see me
Or where I've been
I've got them all convinced,
I'm fine, with no one around me
No one gets in

This hallow shell, this little hell
You took me out of the dark,
But I found my way back again
I'm not doin' well, I'm not doin' well
So take me out of the dark,
Back to the place where I'm found
And back with you

Everybody else feels fine
Their lives are so perfect
They have no shame
But I'm an open book
Filled with stories about me
That don't mean a thing

This hallow shell, this little hell
You took me out of the dark,
But I found my way back again
I'm not doin' well, I'm not doin' well
So take me out of the dark,
Back to the place where I'm found
And back with You

Just let Him in, let Him in tonight

The Hurt and the Healer

Why?

The question that is never far away

The healing doesn’t come from the explained

Jesus please don’t let this go in vain

You’re all I have

All that remains

So here I am

What’s left of me

Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive

Even though a part of me has died

You take my heart and breathe it back to life

I’ve fallen into Your arms open wide

When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe

Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do

Pain so deep that I can hardly move

Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You

Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am

What’s left of me

Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive

Even though a part of me has died

You take my heart and breathe it back to life

I’ve fallen into your arms open wide

When the hurt and the healer collide

It’s the moment when humanity

Is overcome by majesty

When grace is ushered in for good

And all the scars are understood

When mercy takes its rightful place

And all these questions fade away

When out of the weakness we must bow

And hear You say “It’s over now”

I’m alive

Even though a part of me has died

You take my heart and breathe it back to life

I’ve fallen into your arms open wide

When The hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear

Awake my heart and take my tears

Find Your glory even here

When the hurt and the healer collide [x2]

Jesus come and break my fear

Awake my heart and take my tears

Find Your glory even here

---

It's just one of those times of life. I'm grateful for God's consistent reaching to pull me back.

Jesus Christ Is the Way

Change is hard. Life is hard.
---

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

---
We are all here for a great purpose. One part of that purpose is to repent, or to change ourselves to become more like God. If we didn't need to change, we would not be here.
The miracle of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is that no matter what point in life we are at, we can always choose to change. His promises of forgiveness do not apply only to those who are righteous. The greatest sinner can be forgiven of all their sins; the key is to never, ever give up. God is merciful, and He is powerful. Even if you feel like you only want to change, but don't believe you can, you have already begun. Move forward until you have faith in Christ; and as your faith grows, you will be changed.
Listen to this story. It is incredible.