If I Could Go Back

I had a dream that I was trying to convince a new missionary not to leave the field and go home. He was set on it, and he sounded very dejected and hopeless. I remember crying and pleading with him to just stay, because of how happy he would be in the long run. I had a feeling that there was someone he was supposed to change forever, and I told him that. I woke up with watery eyes.

I went through my mission journals yesterday. I've just experienced some powerful feelings that I haven't felt in some time. Here are a few of them.

--

If I could have any wish right now, I would go back to my mission, to the times when I wept and prayed for help; I would put my hands upon my sobbing shoulders and sweetly say,

"If you could only see the miracles that Father has in store for you, you would understand why things have to be so hard."

"I love you."

"You can do all things that Heavenly Father has in store for you.
I promise, I promise."

--

If I could be granted just one more wish, I would sit with the young men and women who wear black tags, who have been given so much power, but who carry an enormous burden. I would cry with them and comfort them, and if the Spirit would allow me to, I would promise them every blessing I was constrained to speak.

There is nothing quite like serving a mission. Nothing so hard, nothing so rewarding. And nothing has helped me to understand my life's purpose and the power I have to change like my time as a servant of the Son of God.

--

So many people are suffering and struggling. Sometimes I'll have the hardest day, week, or month. I'll pray for help. And when I can finally see the answers I needed, I look back and think about all that I felt, and how much help I needed, and how merciful God was in my life. Maybe during that time there was a war going on, or a disaster. Thousands may have lost their lives, or had everything taken from them. I can imagine the anguish and suffering expanding and multiplying like a shockwave. I can't comprehend the immensity of such things. I cannot understand it.
But I know that God has reached down and blessed and lifted me up. I am a nobody. Surely He is aware of all of His children. Certainly He can see the end from the beginning, and surely He knows the glorious end that awaits those who can find a way to still look to Christ even when they've suffered so much.

I don't know how Christ suffered what He suffered. But I know that He did.
Because He did, you and I can be assured that He knows what we feel, and we can have hope that the distress we feel now will someday be replaced with peace, if we stay looking toward Him.