Going Home

There are a million thoughts racing through my mind as I prepare to return home after 24 months.
Full-time missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints leave home and remain focused on their work for two years. During our missions, we call home four times, on Mother's Day and Christmas. We email once per week, and we write letters. That is the extent of our contact home.
We do everything we can to keep the Spirit of God with us. We avoid all forms of worldly entertainment.
Going out on a mission is a difficult transition for many, because of the personal limitations it places on an individual. But as we become used to the culture of missionary work, and see the incredible benefits that those "personal limitations" have provided, it can become a difficult thing to want to leave. The influence of God's Spirit in our lives has probably never been stronger. We devote every minute of every day, in some way, to serving those around us. We forge memories that give our lives new meaning, as we witness others changing their lives.
Now, this is not a herald to the amazingness of missionaries. I want to express the feelings I'm having now that I've been called to return home, to normal life.
Now that I will see my family again.
Now that I have to leave this incredible mission.

This poem was shared with me by a recently returned missionary two years ago. He shared it with great emotion. I had no idea what he was so intent about. Now I understand exactly--














"A mission is a strange experience
It is a trial and a test.
A mission throws at you the worst
Yet, teaches you the best.
I've never been so happy,
I've never been so depressed.
I've never felt so forsaken,
I've never felt so blessed.
I've never been so confused,
Things have never been so clear.
I've never felt my Heavenly Father so distant,
He's never been so near.
I've never been so discouraged,
I've never been so full of hope.
I feel I could go on for forever,
I think I've come to the end of my rope.
I've never had it quite so easy,
I've never had it quite so tough.
Things have never been so smooth,
Things have never been so rough.
I've never traveled through more valleys,
I've never ascended more peaks.
I've never met so many nice people.
I've never met so many freaks!
I've never had so many ups,
I've never had so many downs.
I've never worn so many smiles,
I've never had so many frowns.
I've never been so lonely,
I've never had so many friends.
BOY, I hope this is over soon,
GOSH, I hope this never ends." 

Things I miss about being home:

• Having people who really know me, and deeply love me, and who I really know and deeply love, like family.
• REALLY working out 
• Hiking and camping
• Naps
• Technology
• Friends
• Being alone
• Studying whatever I feel like, such as secular subjects (can't wait for college)
• Family
• Knowing what is going on in the world
• Swimming
• Not being freezing cold most of the year
• Mt. Timpanogos
• Family
• Having more control over what I eat instead of eating at members' homes every day (though I so appreciate their love and concern!) and fearing their disappointment if I don't eat everything on the plate. I've had some amazing and some terrible meals.
• Being a regular, under the radar kind of person (not having people stare at me everywhere I go).
• And lastly, family.

Things I will miss about being on a mission:

• The spirit of the calling of being a missionary
• The power that I feel so often as I go about the day
• Being able to teach a hundred different types of people in their homes
• Having a constant focus on things that actually matter
• The thought that I'm ON MY MISSION 
• Not having to worry about money, girls, school, a job, bills, or anything except teaching people the gospel
• Thinking clearly and knowing exactly what I need to do during the day
• Feeling the love and concern that Heavenly Father has for His children, and therefore the patience and forgiveness He has for me because He just needs me to work and help others out
• Having my testimony challenged by other people, therefore strengthening my faith
• Zone conferences, and the incredible spirit that is always there
• Having the almost immediate concern and love of people I don't know just because I'm a missionary
• Being in this incredible landscape
• The wonderful people, friends, and practically family who I love so much here
• Having my main focus on other people, Christ, and Heavenly Father.

Clearly, it isn't easy coming home. My family are really the only thing that I miss that matters, where everything I'm leaving is so important. But I know that it's time to move on.

I testify that the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is available on the earth today. I know that Jesus Christ is real, and that He lives. I know that He suffered for every person who has ever lived, and who ever will live.
I know that the Book of Mormon is true. It is an unfailing witness that the gospel has been restored.
I know these things are true, and my life will never be the same.